Widowhood

This morning I thought I would talk about grief, anxiety and fear. I lost my husband 9 years ago. He was my best friend and soulmate. We met at college and although at first I found him a bit ‘different’ – his mum used to dress him in terrible clothes – and he wore really thick spectacles – we really got on well together. He found me bossy and argumentative. Somehow it worked. We were together for 35 years and were enough for each other. We had two sons and life just sped by. He had cancer when he was 29 and fortunately with chemotherapy and operations, he recovered and we were told it was unlikely to return after 10 years. We managed to spend another 23 years together and then the cancer returned and spread everywhere – from learning it was back to his death was just one week. No real time to say goodbye, but how do you? The beautiful thing was that when he was admitted to hospital for his treatment (something he said he would never go through again), both our sons visited him and had separate conversations with him and I will always remember how they chatted and were able to have this last time together (although they didn’t know it at the time). God was certainly present with us and in it with us.

I’m crying as I write this because time is a strange thing. It doesn’t feel like 9 years, I feel a strong grief as if it was yesterday. Trying to sum up how it feels to lose someone so close, I can only say it is as if half of you has disappeared and ceased to exist. You’re going around talking to people, living your life but you’re not whole anymore.

I got through all of this by having a strong faith in God and by doing the best I could for my sons who were 13 and 17 at the time. A friend gave me some prayers for grief that also help with anxiety, depression and fear and I wanted to share them with you. I will do this on a separate page so that they are available when needed.

God bless you all, especially those who are suffering with grief x